He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
