hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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