I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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