I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
