Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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