i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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