Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
