I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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