so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
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I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize