the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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