You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
