You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
