There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
