Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.