bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions