Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
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Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.