I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You smell like stripper and shame
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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