Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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