Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
false alarm, still single
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
