I skipped work to stalk him.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
