he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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