i love accidental penises.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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