i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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