ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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