there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
