Non-Jews are for practice
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I deserve this hangover.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh god it's open bar.
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