the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
