If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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