Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i am craving dick and cupcakes
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
