Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
