Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
