and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
