I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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