i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
