You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
