what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
