why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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