two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
