She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
