God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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