I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
