Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm determined to sit on that face.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
