guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
