you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
