Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bring me that man meat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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