OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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