If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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