I seem to have left my pride at pride
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
