I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We smell like vodka and hangover
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