he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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