I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize