I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
