You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
