Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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