Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
