sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
