Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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