So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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