he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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