Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
