He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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