so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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