U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
