Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
