I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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