hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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